• A Mother decided it was time that her three sons get baptised. So, after weeks of suitable instruction she felt that it was time. One bright Sunday morning they were on their way to church where the three boys, 8, 9, and 11, were have their sins washed away.

    The mother noticed that here 9 year old seemed to be particularly lost in thought so she asked him what was on his mind.

    "Mom, I want to go first." he replied.

    "Why do you want to first?" she asked her son with a smile.

    "Because," he began with a pause in his voice, "I really don't want to be baptised in water that has all of my brother's sins floating around in it."

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  • 10 little Christians standing in line. 1 disliked the preacher, then there were 9.

    9 little Christians stayed up very late. 1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8.

    8 little Christians on their way to Heaven. 1 took the low road and then there were 7.

    7 little Christians chirping like chicks. 1 disliked music, then there were 6.

    6 little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there was 5.

    5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were 4.

    4 little Christians each busy as a bee. 1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3.

    3 little Christians knew not what to do. 1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2.

    2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was 1.

    1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true, brought his friend to bible study, then there were 2.

    2 earnest Christians, each won one more. That doubled the number, then there were 4.

    4 sincere Christians worked early and late. Each won another then there were 8.

    8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before. In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024.

    In this little jingle, there is a lesson true, you belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!

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  • If Biblical Headlines were written Today

    On Red Sea crossing

    WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
    Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

    On David vs. Goliath

    HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
    Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

    On Elijah on Mt. Carmel

    FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
    400 Killed

    On the birth of Christ

    HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
    Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

    On feeding the 5,000

    PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
    Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

    On healing the 10 lepers

    LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
    "Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

    On healing of the Gadarene demoniac

    MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
    Local Farmer's Investment Lost

    On raising Lazarus from the dead

    FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
    Will Reading to be Delayed

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  • George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long, flowing, white robe with a long, flowing, white beard and long, flowing, white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

    George W., struck by the manšs appearance, approached the man and asked, "Aren't you Moses?"

    The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

    George W., unaccustomed to being ignored, positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

    The man continued staring at the ceiling.

    George W. then tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

    The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."

    George W. asked him why he ignored him and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert."

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  • An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

    Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

    Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"

    The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."

    The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

    The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

    long-jokes[194]

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