• 
  The minister was preaching on the evils of drink. He first said he would like to gather up all the wine and dump it in the river. Then he moved on to beer and said he would like to get all the beer and dump it in the river, and then all other forms of alcohol to be dumped into the river. The choir director's face began to show a worried look. The first hymn they were scheduled to sing was "Shall we gather at the river?"

  jokes[254]

• 
  The old time pastor was galloping down the road, rushing to get to church on time. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. In the dirt with a broken leg, the pastor called out, "All you saints in Heaven, help me get up on my horse!"
  
  Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side.
  
  Once again on the ground, he called to Heaven, "All right, just half of you this time!"

  jokes[245]

• 
  An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."
  
  His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"

  jokes[243]

• 
  The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."
  
  "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

  jokes[241]

• 
  Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.
  
  Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.
  
  A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."

  jokes[240]

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