• There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.

    After a while he turned to her and asked "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

    The lady replied "Of course I do it is the Bible."

    He said "Well what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
    She replied "Oh, Jonah. Yes I believe that, it is in the Bible."

    He asked "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"

    The lady said "Well I don't really know I guess when I get to heaven I will ask him."

    "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.

    "Then you can ask him." Replied the lady.

    jokes[60]

  • A very religious woman went into the local pet shop to buy a parrot for company. She selected a beautiful bird, but the pet store owner said he didn't think she'd be happy with this particular parrot because he had belonged to a salty old sailor who used very bad language.

    She replied that she knew with love and care she could break the bird of his bad habits and have a wonderful companion.

    Well, the bird was not to be broken of his blue language and the woman had to hide him in the spare bedroom every time she had visitors. Finally, in desperation she told the bird she was going to put him in the freezer for 10 minutes every time he used bad language. Sure enough in just a couple of minutes the bird let out a string of obcenities. She put him in the freezer with him hollering and yelling his head off. After just a minute or two it got very quiet.....afraid that something bad had happened to the bird, she opened the door.

    Out stepped the parrot, shivering and most pleasantly and politely he said "excuse my prior behavior, madam. I regret any dismay I may have caused you and promise never to use improper language again." Well, the woman was thrilled to hear these promises and was about to say so when the bird interrupted to say "by the way, madam, what's the chicken in for?"

    jokes[59]

  • One day Jesus' secretary came into his office and said, "Sir, you should take some time off from all of your work. Get out and meet your people here. Have a good time." Jesus thought a moment and decided to do just that. So he saved all his work on his Super Computer, shut it down, and went outside.

    He had a great time as he walked down the golden streets, shaking hands and signing autographs, but along the way He heard the sound of rip, saw, rip, saw, and noticed sawdust coming from a window of a little shop on a side street. He walked down to the shop and went inside. There He found a bearded carpenter working so hard he was sweating, and the drops of perspiration were running down his face, and mixing with the sawdust.

    In his rich melodious voice, Jesus said, "Sir, why are you laboring so hard? You should rest and enjoy yourself." The old man said to Jesus, "Oh, no, please let me continue. You see, I had a son on Earth whose birth was a miracle. My son knew I was a carpenter, and my eyesight being what it is, I thought if he heard me working he would 'find' me."

    Jesus stared at the man, and his eyes started to mist. The man stared at Jesus, quizzically.

    Jesus said, "Father........?"

    The old man said,........"Pinocchio?"

    jokes[57]

  • At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."

    He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."

    jokes[56]

  • A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."

    The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
    The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."

    Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."

    The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"

    Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."

    "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."

    Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."

    "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"

    Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

    jokes[55]

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