• A sign was hanging in an office window. It read:

    Help wanted.
    Must type 70 words a minute.
    Must be computer literate.
    Must be bilingual.
    An equal opportunity employer.

    A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the manager's office, making it clear he wished to apply for the job.

    The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

    The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

    So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it." The dog went off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly formatted.

    The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it."

    Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct answer.

    The manager still wasn't convinced. "I still can't hire you for this position. You've got to be bilingual."

    The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."

    family-jokes[97]

  • As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

    "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner.

    "Yep, that's him," came the reply.

    The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

    "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

    family-jokes[96]

  • An optimist is someone who goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and takes the tartar sauce with him.

    family-jokes[93]

  • For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said,

    "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

    Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

    family-jokes[88]

  • A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

    "Yes, sir," the boys said.

    "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

    A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."

    family-jokes[87]

  • 123456789
CP Jokes Sponsored by CROSSMAP