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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking nude in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian."family-jokes[174]
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Two Washington politicians had locked themselves out of their car, and unfortunately some important papers they needed for a meeting were inside. "Let's use a coat hanger to pull up the lock," suggested the first.
"Oh, no," argued the second. "Someone might see us and think we were trying to break in."
"Then we could use my pocketknife to cut away the rubber around the window and stick our fingers through to pull up the lock."
"No, no! People would think we're too stupid to know how to use a coat hanger to open cars."
"Well, we'd better do something fast. The top's down and it's starting to rain."family-jokes[173]
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Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Democrats," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," Al Gore says and he runs off.
A couple of days later Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
Al Gore says to Bill, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box.
Al Gore says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Bill that kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Republicans."
"Whoa!" Al Gore says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now."family-jokes[171]
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Man or woman?
While eating out and the bill arrives, the guys will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When girls get the bill out come the calculators.
With money a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 dollar item she doesn't want.
In a bathroom a man has 6 items. A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn. A women has on average 337 items in her bathroom. A man would not be able to identify most of these Items.
In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beggining of a new argument.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking men kick cats.
A women worries about the future until she gets a husband. A husband doesn't worry about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, and read a book. A man will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.family-jokes[167]
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WOMEN:
- Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
- Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
- Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
- A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
- Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
- The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.
- They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.
MEN:
- Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and sometimes killing spiders.family-jokes[166]
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