• Q. What was William Shakespeare's favorite book of the bible?

    A. The book of Acts

    riddles[239]

  • Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

    Prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally, one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark - and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

    As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hits the water and lo and behold, Justin turns into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swims away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

    Time went on, and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them, Justin hardly realizing that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    During the next tropical storm, Justin figures that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was thinking of being a prawn again, a flash of lightning strikes the water next to Justin and lo and behold, he turns back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swims back to his friends and buys them all a cocktail.

    Looking around the gathering at the reef, he looks for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark" came the reply.

    Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he sets off to Christian's house. As he opens the coral gate, the memories come flooding back. He bangs on the door and shouts "It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again!"

    Christian replies, "No way man. You'll eat me. You're a shark; the enemy. I will not be tricked."

    Justin cries back, "No I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed ...

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    ... I'm a prawn again Christian.... !!"

    long-jokes[238]

  • Picture the scene: Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit. Moses calls a staff meeting.

    (Moses) Well, how are we going to get across the sea? We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.

    (General) Normally, I'd recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across. But there's not enough time - the Egyptians are too close.

    (Admiral) Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.

    (Moses) Does anyone have a solution?

    Just then, his Public Relations man raises his hand.

    (Moses) You! You have a solution?

    (PRMan) No, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three pages in the Old Testament!

    long-jokes[237]

  • Our children's Sunday School classes were presenting their end of the year program for the congregation - telling about the life of Jesus.

    When it came to the part about Jesus' miracles, one little boy said, "Yes, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!" The teacher urged him to tell us more.

    He said, "Well, Jesus told them to open the tomb, and then He said, 'Lazarus, come out!' And it's a good thing he didn't just say 'Come out!' because there would have been a stampede of dead guys."

    Needless to say our congregation enjoyed the presentation very much.

    jokes[236]

  • A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a pastor and poured out his story of tears and woe.

    When he had finished, the pastor said, "Here's what I want you to do, put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."

    A year later the businessman went back to the pastor and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom- tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket and gave it to the pastor as a donation in thanks for his advice.

    The pastor recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.

    "Absolutely," replied the businessman.

    "You went to the beach?"

    "Absolutely."

    "You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"

    "Absolutely."

    "You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"

    "Absolutely."

    "And what were the first words you saw?"

    "Chapter 11."

    long-jokes[235]

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