• I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it.

    If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

    Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

    Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

    Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the man in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed his children.

    Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

    Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

    Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

    Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!!

    long-jokes[244]

  • An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."

    His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"

    jokes[243]

  • Santa lives at the North Pole.
    JESUS is everywhere.

    Santa rides in a sleigh
    JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

    Santa comes but once a year
    JESUS is an ever present help.

    Santa fills your stockings with goodies
    JESUS supplies all your needs.

    Santa comes down your chimney uninvited
    JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart.

    You have to stand in line to see Santa
    JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

    Santa lets you sit on his lap
    JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

    Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
    JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

    Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
    JESUS has a heart full of love.

    All Santa can offer is HO HO HO
    JESUS offers health, help and hope.

    Santa says "You better not cry"
    JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.

    Santa's little helpers make toys
    JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

    Santa may make you chuckle but
    JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

    While Santa puts gifts under your tree
    JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.

    It's obvious there is really no comparison.
    We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.
    We need to put Christ back in Christmas.

    Jesus is still the reason for the season.

    long-jokes[242]

  • The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."

    "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

    jokes[241]

  • Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.

    Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.

    A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."

    jokes[240]

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