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Dogs vs. Women
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs don't criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've ever had.
Dogs don't let a magazine article guide their lives.
You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late- the later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
Anyone can get a good looking dog.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
A dog's parents never visit.top-10s[169]
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Top 10 things men know about women
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Man or woman?
While eating out and the bill arrives, the guys will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When girls get the bill out come the calculators.
With money a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 dollar item she doesn't want.
In a bathroom a man has 6 items. A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn. A women has on average 337 items in her bathroom. A man would not be able to identify most of these Items.
In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beggining of a new argument.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking men kick cats.
A women worries about the future until she gets a husband. A husband doesn't worry about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, and read a book. A man will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.family-jokes[167]
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WOMEN:
- Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
- Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
- Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
- A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
- Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
- The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.
- They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.
MEN:
- Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and sometimes killing spiders.family-jokes[166]
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A Guy's Life
1) Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You know stuff about tanks.
3) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4) You can open all your own jars.
5) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7) You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
8) You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9) You can kill your own food.
10) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
13) Your underwear is 10$ for a three-pack.
14) If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
15) Everything on your face stays its original color.
16) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
17) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
19) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
20) You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
21) Same work... more pay.
22) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
23) Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental – 75 bucks.
24) You don't mooch off other's desserts.
25) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
26) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
27) You pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?"
28) You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
29) You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
30) You almost never have strap problems in public.
31) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
32) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33) You don't have to shave below your neck.
34) At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
35) Your belly usually hides your big hips.
36) One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
37) You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
38) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
39) Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.top-10s[165]
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