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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking nude in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian."family-jokes[174]
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Two Washington politicians had locked themselves out of their car, and unfortunately some important papers they needed for a meeting were inside. "Let's use a coat hanger to pull up the lock," suggested the first.
"Oh, no," argued the second. "Someone might see us and think we were trying to break in."
"Then we could use my pocketknife to cut away the rubber around the window and stick our fingers through to pull up the lock."
"No, no! People would think we're too stupid to know how to use a coat hanger to open cars."
"Well, we'd better do something fast. The top's down and it's starting to rain."family-jokes[173]
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During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure. Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed".
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."long-jokes[172]
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Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Democrats," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," Al Gore says and he runs off.
A couple of days later Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
Al Gore says to Bill, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box.
Al Gore says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Bill that kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Republicans."
"Whoa!" Al Gore says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now."family-jokes[171]
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Facts of Women
1) Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2) Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4) Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7) Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
8) Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
9) Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
10) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
11) Women brush their hair before bed.
12) Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
13) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible".
14) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
15) Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
16) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
17) A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
18) Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
19) Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
20) "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than it does in man- language.
21) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
22) If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
23) Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
24) Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
25) The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.top-10s[170]
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