• An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. So they decided to do a small test.

    They put a note on the front hall table that they had left. Around the note they put a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

    The father told his wife, "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a pastor, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a no-good drunkard."

    So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son read the note that they had left.

    Then he took the ten-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

    After that, he took the Bible, flipped through it, and put it under his arm.

    Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

    The father slapped his forehead and said: "This is worse than I could ever have imagined!"

    "What? asked the wife.

    "Our son is going to be a politician!"

    family-jokes[179]

  • One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

    "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

    The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.

    "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

    Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.

    "Go to the theatre."

    family-jokes[178]

  • In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George Bush, Janet Reno and Bo Derek. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.

    When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

    (1) Bo Derek thought - "That sleazeball Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on Janet Reno, who in turn must have slapped his face."

    (2) Janet Reno thought - "That dirty Bill Clinton laid his hands on Bo Derek and she smacked him."

    (3) Bill Clinton thought - "George put his hand on Bo Derek and by mistake she slapped me."

    (4) George Bush thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."

    family-jokes[177]

  • The Old Cherokee Chief sat in his humble reservation hut smoking his ceremonial pipe and eyeing the two visiting U.S. Government officials who had been sent to interview his opinion of the white man's progress.

    "Chief", one offical began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products -- you have seen all his progress and his problems."

    The Chief nodded "Yes".

    The official continued, "Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?"

    The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied:

    "When white found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty deer, turkey and beaver. Women did most of the cooking and crop work. Medicine man free to help sick. Indian men hunted and fished all the time. We never had cheating hushands and wives--we kill cheaters."

    The Chief smiled and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"

    family-jokes[176]

  • Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

    His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

    family-jokes[175]

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