• First Member: I thought the sermon was divine. It reminded me of the peace of God. It passed all understanding.

    Second Member: It reminded me of the mercies of God. I thought it would endure forever.

    jokes[229]

  • Did you hear about the town's richest man who met with the minister after the Sunday service?

    "Why does everyone call me cheap and stingy?" complained the man. "I've told everyone I'm leaving half my money to the church when I die."

    The minister nodded. "It reminds me of the story about the pig and the cow. The cow was much loved by the farmer and his neighbors, while the pig was not popular at all. The pig could not understand this and asked the cow about it.

    'How come you are so well liked, cow? People say you're good because you give milk and butter and cream every day. But I give more than that. From me they get bacon and ham; they even pickle my feet. Yet I'm not popular and you are. Why do you think that is?'

    The cow looked down at the pig and answered, 'Perhaps it's because I give while I'm still alive.'"

    long-jokes[228]

  • A four-year-old asked her mother about the white stones in a graveyard. Mom replied, "That's where all the dead people are."

    Much surprised, the girl asked, "That's heaven?"

    jokes[227]

  • A strong Baptist family decided to buy a home and make everything in the house Baptist. They were going to make it look and feel Baptist through and through. So when they were finished they went to a petshop to look for a Baptist dog.

    They asked the owner, "Do you have a Baptist dog?"

    Surprised, the petshop owner thought about it for a while and then nodded, saying, "Yes... yes, I think we have a dog that will fit your description."

    So the owner brought out the dog to the family, and the father said, "Let's see if this is a real Baptist dog." So the father said to the dog, "Go get a Bible."

    And the dog ran over to a table, grabbed a Bible in its mouth, ran back to the man and plopped the book at his feet.

    Impressed, the father continued, "Let's see if this dog knows its books of the Bible... Turn to Psalm 23".

    The dog then opened the Bible with its snout and pawed through the pages to Psalm 23.

    Very pleased, the father bought the dog and brought it home. The next day, the family had visitors. They showed their friends the Baptist dog and the things it could do.

    Finally, the friends asked, "Well, can it do any other tricks that normal dogs do?"

    The Baptist father wondered and said, "Hmm, I don't know. I've never tried." He then ordered the dog, "Heel."

    Suddenly the dog leaped onto the father's lap and placed its paw on the man's head and started to pray.

    "Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Baptist mother, "This dog isn't Baptist! It's Pentecostal!"

    long-jokes[226]

  • A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.

    The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

    "Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

    The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

    jokes[225]

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